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[personal profile] lucyshoe66
Okay, which one of you punks recommended Criminal Law to me? Up against the wall - NOW!

Man, that was a stinky movie. I taped it Monday night figuring I could watch it when I was in the perfect mood to sit back and be psychologically thrilled. Well, I was in the mood last night. The movie, unfortunately, wasn't up to it.

Though good GOD, Gary Oldman's hair did its level best to scare the bejesus right out of me! That's some startlingly floppy 80s hair right there.

I realized a quarter way through, when I finally clued in that Kevin Bacon's psycho killer character's name was Martin Thiel, that this was the criminal masterpiece that Paul and Karla watched over and over with such reverence, and which inspired Bernardo to legally change his name to Paul Teale. Interestingly, there's one oft-printed photo of the usually clean-cut and preppy Bernardo on his way to or from court with this atrociously floppy hair that now makes me suspect he was modelling himself after the Gary Oldman character. Crazy killers have crazy hair.

But anyways, the movie. I hate movies whose entire premise is so illogical that I just can't clear the suspension of disbelief hurdle. First of all, Oldman plays this hotshot defence attorney who intially gets serial rapist/killer Bernardo Bacon off because he convinces the jury that the eyewitness must have been mistaken about her identification of him because on that very same day she ran out of diapers that she could have sworn she had in her cupboard. But she was MISTAKEN! A-HA! Not.

Then, when he realizes that he probably just helped set free a CRAZY KILLER, and when the CRAZY KILLER sets about dropping clues on his head to his crimes like so many raining anvils, instead of, oh I don't know, just turning what he knows over to the authorities, he decides to defend him AGAIN after a new round of murders so that he can trick him into revealing his guilt. Or something. In the meantime, there's some homoerotic glances between the two while Oldman ends up violently screwing the room-mate of the last victim while picturing Bacon superimposed over her face and even though he comes about an inch from ramming his fist through her head, she apparently likes it rough enough that she just smiles gently at him, like, was it good for you too? and then she disappears altogether after she and Bacon meet up and he goes after her, she beats him up and that's the last we see of her.

Anyway, you'd think Oldman would worry at least a little about the possibility of being dis-barred, but he seems to be on a mission of truth. Oh, and even though he's apparently been a legal shark for a number of years (he was a prosecutor before turning to the defence side) he is reduced to tears by the realization that justice and law are two different things. Of course he has a dying mentor to impart this valuable knowledge to him from his deathbed. Better if he had imparted some style tips, but whatever.

For my opinion on the crappy dialogue, please see the subject title. I will say no more.

It rained a lot in this movie. And hard. It actually stormed that hard for a while in real life last night, which was very exciting to watch, but made me think it was a little unreasonable that in a veritable monsoon of a thunderstorm, at 11pm, there would actually be people out running their dogs around a creepy park, let alone that an attorney would agree to meet a former client down by the bridge, slipping and sliding in the mud endlessly looking for someone who obviously didn't show instead of just saying "fuck it" and heading back to his car. But I guess it was all very atmospheric. Also, everytime the door of the courthouse opened at night, this flood of light would emerge like a beacon. The place must have been lit with kleig lights!

Okay let's wrap this baby up. Not that I'm trying to ruin the ending, but Bacon is shot dead. Shocking, I know.

On a happier note, Kevin Bacon is very good as the priviledged and preppy killer. And he's so young! Given that the last film I saw him in was The Woodsman, it was quite a shocking contrast. Took me back to the days when I used to watch him as the alcoholic, babyfaced teenager on Guiding Light. So cute. Strangely though, I find him more attractive now that he's eroded a bit with age. I think it's Hugh Grant syndrome. Dissipation wears well on the formerly boyish. Keep that in mind, boys.
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June 2007

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